Rational Architects are drawn to intellectual pursuits such as mathematics, physics, and strategic planning which they can apply to sports. As athletes, they are constantly analyzing, categorizing, and visualizing future contingencies. They gravitate toward individual sports where they compete against their own goals.
Complementary Pairings (Part 1)
Idealists & Rationals
The most common type of pairing is the complementary type. Rationals and Idealists complement each other as do Guardians and Artisans. We’ll look first at Rationals with Idealists and then Guardians with Artisans in the next article. Rationals and Idealists both live in the world of what might be. They’re more likely to look for solutions to problems in how they think rather than what they do. Both are likely to enjoy long conversations about ideas, although Rationals prefer logical ideas and Idealists prefer people-oriented ideas.
Rationals are drawn to Idealists because they are good sounding boards for the Rational’s ideas, and they readily express positive emotions. Idealists are drawn to Rationals because they are able to understand the Idealist’s ideas and have excellent emotional control.
Jesse is a Rational Architect (INTP). He felt very awkward around women. He didn’t know what to talk about and didn’t like small talk anyway. In college, he met Aria, an Idealist Counselor (INFJ). He was amazed at how easy it was to talk to her. He didn’t even have to think about it. She loved listening to his ideas, commenting on them, adding to them, and occasionally debating him on some of them. Love hit him like a thunderbolt.
Claudia is an Idealist Teacher (ENFJ) with very high expectations for love. She found herself rejecting many different men because they didn’t live up to her ideal of the perfect soulmate. Then she met Jeff, a Rational Mastermind (INTJ). He loved listening to her dreams and aspirations. She knew she could trust him not to tell anyone else her secrets. Eventually, she did figure out he had flaws, but by that time, she was far gone.
Dr. Keirsey recommends Rational-Idealist pairings and suggests that the best combinations would be the ‘opposite,’ that is, ENTJ with INFP, ENTP with INFJ, INTJ with ENFP, and INTP with ENFJ. Each of these pairs has the ‘N’ in common, but nothing else. Anecdotal evidence appears to support his suggestions. If the couple has too much in common, they are likely to have some obvious weak areas. For example, a Rational Inventor (ENTP) with an Idealist Champion (ENFP) have only one letter different. This couple is likely to have lots of fun generating ideas and excitement but may have difficulty actually bringing ideas to fruition. Also, it is likely that neither one of them will be wild about housework or maintenance. Couples with a lot in common may find it easier to communicate but may also find it more difficult to get everything done.
Women and Romance
Part 4: Rational Women
By Dr. Lovegood
Rational women tend to be late bloomers on the dating scene. They are sometimes unaware of or don't wish to follow cultural norms which dictate what is considered feminine. As they get older, men often appreciate their logic and general lack of emotional outbursts, along with the fact that Rational women tend to clearly state what they think and want.
Mara is a Rational Architect (INTP). She had a steady boyfriend in high school. They broke up when he pushed for a further commitment and she realized he wasn't what she wanted long term. She has dated off and on since then and enjoys getting to know new people. She's had some serious boyfriends, but she hasn't found one she wants to keep yet. Her mother is worried that she'll never get married since Mara is already in her thirties and has no boyfriend. Mara figures it will happen when it happens.
Care and Feeding of a Mate
Part 4: Rational Mates
By Dr. Lovegood
Rational men aren't particularly interested in typical gender roles. Their masculinity is not threatened by a partner who does yard work, car repairs, or extreme sports. Often women find it hard to communicate their wants to their Rational mates. The key is direct, calm statements. Rational men are often oblivious to hints, and both of you will be happier if you communicate in plain English.
Like Rational men, Rational women are often perfectly happy playing the hard-charging corporate player to their mate's more domestic lifestyle. Because women are socialized differently from men, Rational women are much more likely than their male counterparts to catch hints and indirect communication. However, they still prefer clear statements.
Rationals tend to be the easiest on upkeep. Their wants tend to be few, and they generally place few demands on their mates. In fact, one of the biggest complaints about Rationals is that they are too independent and at times seem to neither want nor need anyone else. At times, most mates of Rationals wonder why the Rational wanted a relationship at all.
Sometimes Rationals can seem so self-reliant that a mate can wonder if they really have anything to offer. This tends to occur when the Rational is afraid of being openly vulnerable. They can maintain a façade of autonomy to hide how they really feel. However, they usually enter relationships precisely because they really do need other people.
The key to keeping your Rational happy is to provide support and a listening ear while not demanding too much. Offering shared activities including sports, sex, music and the like are also likely to be appreciated.
One thing virtually all Rationals need is time. They need uninterrupted time to work on whatever project has caught their mental eye. It is not uncommon for them to work until they drop, get a few hours of shut-eye, and then get up and keep working. This can go on for days, with the Rational surfacing periodically for food and family activities. During this time, they are likely to appreciate someone to bounce a few ideas off of. The best way a mate can help is to listen, keep them from being interrupted, and remind them of important commitments coming up.
An important thing to remember is that most Rationals are disgusted by emotional outbursts. A mate who cries, pleads, begs, yells, and throws things is very likely to cause the Rational to withdraw even more. A Rational can talk about almost anything if it is discussed in a logical, emotionally neutral way.
Another thing Rationals need is someone to listen and respond intelligently to them. This can be difficult if they are talking way beyond you. Ask questions so you can understand the background of what they're talking about. Sometimes they forget that the other person doesn't have all of the background knowledge that they do. Sometimes they may discuss things which turn out to be difficulties in relating to other people. This has to be handled very delicately. You can give opinions in a calm way but not judgments.
The bottom line with Rationals is to give them a lot of autonomy and intelligent conversation. Remember that they really do need you. Support your mate and they'll give you mental stimulation, freedom, and visions of the future.
How To Argue With A Mate
Part 4: Rational Mates
By Dr. Lovegood
The wall between Rationals and others is their view of others' stupidity and incompetence. If a Rational believes that another person is being illogical, irrational, or just plain stupid, they will not respond positively to anything they have to say. The fastest way to get a Rational to stop communicating meaningfully is to say that they are incompetent or idiotic or to start behaving or talking in a mindless crazy manner.
Overall, Rationals are reasonable and reasoning people. They are willing to discuss just about anything as long as the discussion remains civil and lucid. For Rationals, civil can include yelling matches with each person describing the other's theories as unable to hold up under scrutiny, ill conceived, and just plain wrong. After these raised voiced sessions, Rationals are likely to have respect for their opponent if that opponent can reason cogently.
The easiest way to tell that a conversation with a Rational mate is getting nowhere is if they shut down and refuse to discuss things or very (im)patiently repeat their same logical arguments over and over.
Jessica (Idealist Champion ENFP) and Kwasi (Rational Mastermind INTJ) had only been married a short time when Jessica began to doubt that Kwasi really loved her. When they had been dating, he had been so attentive and always happy to see her. After they got married, he became more likely to be annoyed when she "interrupted" him. One time while he was at the computer, she came dancing in wearing nothing but high heels. He looked briefly at her and asked her to wait 5 minutes. They began having fights over whether he really loved her. He would point out the logical reasons he loved her and couldn't understand what her problem was. But Jessica wanted to be loved illogically. After learning about their personality types, Kwasi learned what he could do to regularly reaffirm their relationship. Jessica learned how to recognize the more subtle signs of Kwasi's love. He learned how to express appreciation for her uniqueness and openness, and she realized that he really did love her.
If a person with a Rational partner hits that wall, there are a couple of things to do. The first is to allow time for both partners to calm down. The non-Rational partner should see how they can frame their issue in a logical manner which their partner can understand. Rationals can argue so specifically and technically on a particular issue that they miss the big picture. They can also argue so globally that they miss the particulars. Whenever possible, tie your argument onto theirs. Show how what you are wanting is consistent with their theories and beliefs. Rationals are also willing to bargain, trading one favor for another. There is a logic to doing something illogical if it makes it more likely that the Rational will get something they want.
Parenting and Temperament
Introduction to a Series
By Dr. Lovegood
The parent-child relationship is the one where the tensions between different personalities can be most clearly seen. When we make friends or choose a partner, we are developing a relationship between equals. The parent-child relationship is hierarchical, with much more clearly defined roles for each. You can break up with friends or lovers, but you generally can’t divorce your parents or your children. Because parents and children are stuck with each other, the battles can be devastating, particularly for the children. There’s an old joke which says that children and grandparents get along so well because they have a common enemy.
One thing which I believe causes a lot of problems between parents and their children is that parents feel a certain amount of ownership or responsibility for their children’s actions. This can be good when a parent realizes that their behavior has contributed to their child’s problems. Most of the time, though, it simply causes a humongous tug-of-war. The parent cajoles, pleads, demands, and threatens to get a child to behave the way they want them to. The child rebels, becomes passive-aggressive, or outwardly complies. If the child will not comply, the parent feels guilt, anxiety, and anger. This can lead to the classic rejection: “No child of mine would ……”
Temperament theory is a huge help so that parents can understand why their children act the way they do. The child’s behavior may have absolutely nothing to do with parenting, either good or bad, and may be simply a function of the way they were born. Parents who understand temperament can help their children develop the way they were meant to be. It can make parenting a much more relaxed and enjoyable affair. It can also help children understand why their parents behave the way they do and how to best communicate with their parents.
For the next several weeks, we’ll be looking at the different kinds of parents and exploring what makes them tick. For now, let’s look at sometimes funny ways to identify the kind of parent a person is.
| Type of Parent | Guardians | Artisans | Idealists | Rationals |
| Preferred form of discipline | Rules and consequences | School of hard knocks | Do we have to? | Logical consequences |
| Favorite thing to do with child | Read books | Wrestling / tickle games | Hugs / Craft projects | Building / experiments |
| Children need to learn | Discipline | To be flexible | Who they are | To think |
| Would be most upset if child cut from | Honor society | The team or the play | Earth club | Chess club |
| Reaction if child made a touchdown | Boom sticks | Air horn | Tears | What touchdown? |
| Reaction if child being bullied | Talk to authorities or tell child to wait it out | Teach child to beat snot out of bully | Sue everyone! | Teach child verbal come backs |
| Want child to grow up to be | Member of congress | Terrorist | Cult Leader | Mad scientist |
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