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OK, so here's how it happened: I was watching my favorite game show, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and after some sucker answered a question wrong that was worth 500 bucks, a picture showed up on the screen of the next lucky person who could be a contestant on the next show. I was chewin' my gum during that moment, SMACK SMACK SMACK! But then, after I looked at the picture, I realized that it was me, Shatini! I got up and screamed, "PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE!!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO DO THIS EVER SINCE 1999 WHEN THE GAME SHOW STARTED!!!
5 DAYS LATER~~~~~~~~~
*MILLIONAIRE BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYS AS SPOTLIGHTS MOVE AROUND AND THEN FOCUS ON REGIS PHILBIN AND SHATINI BONIFA*
Regis: Hello, folks. Welcome to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" *crowd applauses and cheers*
Shatini: *camera goes on Shatini as she checks her reflection from the game screen and fixes her bra*
Regis: *gives a puzzled look* So, *looks at card* I see that your name is Shatini Bonifa.
Shatini: That's right, sir. *nods head too many times with her hands in her lap and her eyes getting bigger after each nod*
Regis: OK, Shatini. So where do you come from, what is it that you do for a living and what do you plan to use the money for?
Shatini: Well, I come from the lone star state of Texas! *Stands up* GO SOUTH SIDE!!! *makes gang symbols at the camera*
Regis: *obviously uncomfortable with eyes darting back and forth* Ok Shatini, let's just play the game.
Shatini: * embarrassed* Okay, sir, I will not disagree, sir, you can count me on that, sir. *salutes with attitude*
Regis: Yeah, whatever. Ok on to question one.
Shatini: WOOOOOOO! QUESTION ONE BABY!!! *stands up and faces the audience* HEY GUYS!! GIVE ME SOME NOISE HERE!!!! *audience cheers and screams louder than when the US scored against Britain at the FIFA World Cup*
Regis: Shatini, sit down.
Shatini: *embarassed* Okay, sir, I will not disagree, sir, you can count me on that, sir. *salutes with attitude*
Regis: *clears throat* Ok, first question.When you make pizza, what is the name of the ingredient that you sprinkle on top of the sauce? Is it A. cheese, B. water, C. rocks, or D. cow manure?
Shatini: *picking at teeth* Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I think it would have to be either cheese or cow manure.
Regis: And why is that?
Shatini: Well, you know those Italians? Well they smell! Ain't no Italian I know that shaves their armpits!
Regis: *chuckles* Well what does that have to do with-
Shatini: Excuse me? Did I finish?
Regis: *raises hand* Sorry
Shatini: OK, well what I was going to say is that pizza, the creation of the Italians, stank! And the only things in the answer choices that stank are cheese and cow manure.
Regis: *nods silently*
Shatini: I think I'm going to have to ask the audience, Regis sir.
Regis: Are you sure?
Shatini: Do you need a hearing aid, Regis sir?
Regis: No, I'm fine.
Shatini: *stands up* Ok audience tell me the %*$# answer!!! Is there any stanky Italian in the audience? Come out stanky!!
Regis: SHATINI!!! SIT DOWN!
Shatini: *embarassed* Okay, sir, I will not disagree, sir, you can count me on that, sir. *salutes with attitude*
Regis: Ok audience *rolls eyes* take out your machines and answer which one you think is correct
Shatini: *Turns around* Better answer correctly or I'll beat the $%#@ out of you all!! Freakin' Italians! STANK FOLK! ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IS SMELL LIKE BODY ODOR!!! STANK BAGS!!!
Regis: *gives Shatini the cold stare*
Shatini: *embarassed* Okay, sir, I will not disagree, sir, you can count me on that, sir. *salutes with attitude*
Regis: *audience gives their answers and results show up on screen* Ok, well it seems that the audience believes that it is choice D, cow manure. You now have only two lifelines left, phone a friend and the 50/50 split.
Shatini: Ok, I'll go with D, cow manure.
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Shatini: Final answer? *looks around and whispers* Am I gonna die? Is this going to be the final act in my life?
Regis: No, by final answer I mea-
Shatini: *stands up* OH HELL NO!!! NOT TODAY!!! I GOT THINGS TO DO! I AIN'T DYING HERE WITH SOME STANKY ITALIAN AROUND! HELL NO!!!
Regis: *stands up and touches her shoulder* Shatini, you need to calm d-
Shatini: I WILL SURVIVE! EYE OF THE TIGER! I WILL FIGHT IT! *runs to where the audience is sitting and picks out some random victim* I AIN'T GOING WITHOUT A FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! YOU CAN KISS YOUR @#$ GOODBYE YOU FREAKING ITALIAN! *starts to beat up her "Italian" victim* *Meanwhile, audience joins in and a mob fight begins*
Regis: *takes out a walkie talkie* Security, I'm gonna need some backup here.
3 MINUTES LATER ~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Security finally comes and captures Shatini*
Shatini: *breathing heavily* I don't wanna die! *gasp* I don't wanna die right now!
Regis: Shatini, I am afraid we are going to have to kick you out of the show due to your misconduct.
Shatini: *thinks up an excuse* I'm pregnant! Do you want to kill a pregnant woman? Are you that heartless of a man?
Regis: *becomes angry* I don't think I ever mentioned that I was going to kill you, but if you don't shut up then I might have to change my mind!
Shatini: OH LAWD!! HAVE MERCY! I WANNA HAVE BABIES BEFORE I DIE!!! MY MOMMA SAID SHE WANTS TO SEE HER GRANDKIDS BEFORE SHE GOES TO HEAVEN! *breaks free from security guards after she thinks about her mother's wish and runs out of the building*
THE END
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